Ten Christmas Gifts for the Writer in Your Life

1. A cat video filter for her internet browser

2. A “Cliff Notes” version of a book on the craft of writing

3. A word processor that auto-corrects telling instead of showing

4. An instant-inspiration pill that is not harmful, habit-forming, or fattening

5. A mobile desk so she can pace and write at the same time

6. A voice-activated graphic design program that will take an infinite number of vocal commands to design the perfect book cover

7. A music app that syncs up the type of scene she’s writing with the appropriate mood music

8. Special glasses that can scan people’s brains and instantly know whether they’ll be interested in her book or not

9. An automated candy dispenser that will only release a piece of chocolate for each time she writes another 1,000 words

10. A keyboard that makes typing feel like she’s petting a dog

Top 10 Things a Writing Coach Doesn’t Want to Hear

10. This session didn’t count, right?

9. I’m going to warn you up front that I don’t take criticism well.

8. How many books should I expect to sell in the first week?

7. I’m not looking to hire a writing coach, I just wanted to send my manuscript to you to get your feedback.

6. I never realized how effective semi-colons are.

5. My writing group thinks you’re wrong.

4. How many copies of my book are you planning on buying for your friends?

3. What are your rates for writing college research papers?

2. Can you help me get my fan-fiction into Barnes and Nobles?

1. I’ve got the cover image done, now I just need to write the book.

Can you think of any more? Leave a comment below.

Ten Easy Things to Check Off Your Daily To-do List

1. Get out of bed feet first.

2. Hold the correct end of the fork while eating.

3. Wear more than one article of clothing while driving.

4. Spell your name correctly on the first try.

5. Turn up the volume when a good song is playing.

6. Look at your phone at least once.

7. Say something funny (at least, YOU thought it was funny).

8. Open doors before going through them.

9. Have at least one idle thought an hour while awake.

10. Resolve to get something done tomorrow.